anglista.edu.pl :: :: CATEGORY: Blonde jokes

marcin · Wysłany: Czw 14 Sie, 2003 8:08 am **:: CATEGORY: Blonde jokes**

To the woman who was applying for a job as a typist, the employer said: "You have plenty of speed and
are good at spelling, but do you understand the importance of punctuation?"
"Oh yes," the woman replied "I always get to work on time."

The police officer: "You were exceeding the speed limit, ma'am, weren't you?"
The driver: "Yes, I was, sir, but you see my brakes are so bad that I wanted to get home before I had an accident."

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd.
The brunette takes their life saving of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it."
She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer." The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word." She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please." "And what word would that be?" inquires the man. "Comfortable." replies the brunette.
The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?" The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."

A guy walks into a bar and starts chatting with a tall, attractive blonde woman. During the course of the conversation he says, 'Would you like to hear a 'blonde' joke ?'
"Well", says the girl, "I'm obviously blonde, I'm 6 feet tall without heels and I've been training in judo for the past 5 years."
Raising her voice slightly she went on, "My flatmate's blonde, she's 6 feet 2 inches tall, has been involved in karate for 10 years, she's a black belt and has been Southern Counties Ladies' Champion for the past 3 years.
Lastly she added "My next door neighbor's blonde, she weighs over 200 pounds and is a professional womens' wrestler, do you still want to tell the joke about a blonde ?"
"Well no" came the reply, "Not if I've got to explain it 3 times".

A lady was lost in her car in a terrible snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snowplow and just follow it."
Pretty soon, a snowplow came by and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about 45 minutes. Finally, the driver of the snowplow got out and asked what she was doing.
She explained that her dad had told her that if she ever got stuck in a snowstorm to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm through with the Wal-Mart lot. Now you can follow me over to K-Mart."

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly
for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you,
you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland.
When the man telss her it will be $300 she exclaims "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"
To that the man asks, "Anything?"
And the blonde says "Yes, anything!"
With that, the man says "Follow me!". He walks into the next room and tells her "Come in and close the door!" She does!
He then says "Get on your knees!" She does!
He then says "Take down my zipper!" She does!
He then says "Go ahead, take it out!"
With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands!
The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"
She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello, mom?"

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the blonde girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once."

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the
planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter
solo by radio.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in.
"I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor
watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over
and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't
know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

A blonde walks up to a coke machine in Vegas. She puts in some
quarters, out pops a coke, she puts is some more quarters. She
keeps doing this, time and time again. Eventually a man comes up
behind her and wants to use the machine. He waits patiently for
a while and then finally taps her on the shoulder. "Excuse me
Miss, can I use the machine?" The blonde turns around and says,
"F%#@ off, can't you see I'm winning?!"

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, ‘What’s the matter?’
The blonde replies, ‘Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.’
‘I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day … we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest.’
The blonde very calmly explains, ‘No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.’
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. ‘If you need anything, just let me know,’ he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, ‘Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘No,’ replies the blonde. ‘I’ve just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mother died too!’

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

Mariusz K. · Wysłany: Sob 06 Wrz, 2003 12:11 pm **Blondie Jokes 2**

One day a blonde was sitting out in a rowboat in the middle of a cornfield. Another blonde
drove by and stopped. She hollered out to the blonde in the rowboat "You're the reason we
blondes have a bad name. If I knew how to swim I'd go out there and hit you!"

- How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
- Write 'Turn Over' on two sides of a piece of paper.

nimiane · Wysłany: Sob 07 Sie, 2004 9:28 am

A blond coyote got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
.....................
A blonde walks into a pub with a pig.
The barman asks:"Where did you get that dumb animal?"
The pig says:"I won her in a raffle".
....
She is so blonde that:
-she put her lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
-she triped over acordless phone
-when she drove to the airport and saw a sign that said 'aiport left' she turned around and went home
-she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

Ken Kaniff · Wysłany: Sob 07 Sie, 2004 10:02 am

LOL! :mrgreen:

[ Dodano: Sob 09 Paź, 2004 ]
I have a joke day today. This one caracked me up big time. Check it out. :mrgreen:

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, Honey, it's because you're 25."