Wysłany: Pon 29 Gru, 2003 9:30 pm Things to do in a lift
What can you do in a lift?
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
4) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
5) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
6) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
7) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
8) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
9) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
10) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
11) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
12) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
13) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
14) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
15) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
Pomógł: 27 razy Posty: 487 Skąd: out in the sticks
Wysłany: Pon 19 Lip, 2004 12:42 pm The New Dictionary
Pretty funny--and you gotta say them out loud to get the joke. Here's more, this time around with phonetic transcription to help out.
The New Dictionary
Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: the act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: what a crook sees with.
Control \kon'-trol\: a short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters \kown-ter-'fit-ers\: workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse \ee'-klips\: what an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes \hee'-rhos\: 1. what a guy in a boat does. 2. what Jesus did after 3 days.
Misty \mis'-tee\: how golfers create divots.
Paradox \par'-u-doks\: two physicians.
Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm.
Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with. :mrgreen:
Kate [Usunięty]
Wysłany: Pią 01 Paź, 2004 8:39 pm dog jokes
How do you catch a runaway dog ?
Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone !
What dog loves to take bubble baths ?
A shampoodle !
What kind of dog does a vampire prefer ?
Any kind of bloodhound !
What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire haired terriers !!
What do you call a happy Lassie ?
A jolly collie !
What do you call a nutty dog in Australia ?
A dingo-ling !
What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ?
A bud hound !
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !
What is the dogs favourite city ?
New Yorkie !
Who is the dogs favourite comedian ?
Growlcho Marx !
DOCTOR DOCTOR...
Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father
Never mind just so long as he's healthy !
Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible
Which sister ?
Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift !
Well tell her to come in
I can't she doesn't stop at this floor !
Doctor, doctor, my daughter thinks she's an actress.
Don't worry - it's just a stage she's going through.
SCHOOL JOKES
Tadpole
What a tad uses in pole vaulting
Tangent
Man who has been out in the sun
Taxidermist
A stuffed cab driver
Tears
Glum drops
Television
Radio with eyestrain
Tempest
An ill-tempered little nuisance
Test Pilot
Someone who makes paper aeroplanes out of his test paper
Three Legged Race
What monsters win on their own
Time Machine
Space ship full of herbs
Toad Stools
What a toad mends his car with
Tomorrow
Today's greatest labour-saving device
Tongue Twister
Something that gets your tang tongueled
Transparent
Dad or mum in a trance
Tricycle
A tot rod
Trojan Horse
A phoney pony
Trunk Call
Telephone an elephant
Tube
In English it means a hollow cylinder, but in Dutch it means a silly Hollander
Tuck Shop
Where Robin Hood first met Friar Tuck
Tuning Fork
To make sure your musical chairs are all in tune
Tyrant
Someone who gets into a temper when he can't tie his tie properly
Zaproszone osoby: 16 Pomógł: 29 razy Posty: 751 Skąd: Kraków
Wysłany: Nie 10 Paź, 2004 8:39 am
What part of the human body is called the "yet"?
I don't know either, but in the paper it said this lady got shot and they haven't got the bullet out of her yet!
There was a race between some lettuce, a tomato and a faucet.
How did it turn out? Well the lettuce won by a head, the faucet was running, and the tomato tried to ketchup.
Do you know why Noah didn’t fish very often?
He only had two worms.
What sits on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck!
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a hardware issue.
What did the spider say to the beetle?
Stop bugging me.
Why can’t you have two elephants in your swimming pool at the same time?
Because they’d only have one pair of trunks.
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