Wysłany: Sob 20 Gru, 2003 11:19 pm How to confuse SANTA CLAUS (jak "wkurzyć" Świętego
Amerykanie mówią na niego "Santa Claus" a Anglicy "Father Christmas".
Z całą pewnością ten sympatyczny starszy pan z białą brodą darzony jest wielką sympatią.Raz do roku przeciska się On przez ciasne kominy (nawet te "niewidzialne" w blokach ) by obdarować wszystkie małe i duże dzieci wymarzonymi prezentami.No, ale jeżeli ktoś obrazil się na Mikołaja gdy w zeszłym roku znalazl pod choinką rózgę,albo przysłowiową figę ,niech śmiało skorzysta z którejś z poniższych rad.Dla lepszego efektu,czyt."wkurzenia Mikołaja",należy zastosować się do wszystkich.
Pomimo tego......MARRY CHRISTMAS AND THE HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Ho!,Ho!,Ho!
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.("wypisz mu mandat").
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
9. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
10. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire(drutem kolczastym).
11. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
12. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
13.Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
14. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
1. How do you know Santa has to be a man?
-No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year!
2. What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?
-Hoe, hoe, hoe!
3. It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
-"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
-"That's no offence", said the judge.
-"It is if you do it before the shop opened",countered the prisoner
4. The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he shouted.
Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"
5. Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
-No you can have turkey like everyone else !
6. Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
-The turkey - he's always stuffed !
7. How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ?
-Chick to chick !
8. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
-It's Christmas, Eve ! ("Christmas-Eve"-Wigilia)
9. Santa was beside himself with anger. "I CAN"T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours from now and all my reindeer are drunk, my Elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"
Just then the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree.
He says: "Yo, Santa, where do you want me to stick the Christmas Tree this year???"
And thus the tradition of Angels perched on top of the Christmas trees came to pass.
10. On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
outfit=strój
to hoe=kopać w ogrodzie motyką
to counter=odparować,odpowiedzieć komuś
manger=żłób
tail-light=tylnie światło(np.roweru,samochodu)
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) by obdarować wszystkie małe i duże dzieci wymarzonymi prezentami.No, ale jeżeli ktoś obrazil się na Mikołaja gdy w zeszłym roku znalazl pod choinką rózgę,albo przysłowiową figę ,niech śmiało skorzysta z którejś z poniższych rad.Dla lepszego efektu,czyt."wkurzenia Mikołaja",należy zastosować się do wszystkich.
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